Relationships – the power of balance

Libra 2017

I have been updating all my Libra posts to make them available online again, and I noticed that I have never directly addressed one of the main themes associated with Libra – relationships. This is probably because it is a complicated area, both in life and in astrology. There are many techniques that can be used, so it makes it difficult in a short blog post to simplify what astrology can offer, although I attempted it in an earlier Taurus post. However, it is one of the most frequently discussed areas with clients. If there are problems with personal relationships, I encourage partners to come together for couples’ counselling sessions, as the combined relationship horoscope can be very helpful and can stimulate communication – in my view the most important element in any relationship.



The subject of gender has been in focus lately, in all forms of media, and this has, of course, been discussed widely in astrology circles for many years. Having worked with many clients in same-sex relationships and also with trans-gender clients, my view of gender in the horoscope is that it is irrelevant. Not in life of course, but the horoscope cannot show gender, sexual orientation or anything else relevant to this discussion. People are people, and have the same traumas, pain and emotions, and suffer or enjoy the same human feelings, particularly when it comes to personal relationships.

Rewiring relationships workshop

Because Armand Diaz, a friend and astro-colleague from New York, who has written a book on relationships, is visiting Amsterdam, Armand and I, along with my usual workshop side-kick, Zelda Hall, decided to run a workshop in Amsterdam on relationships. We had an interesting discussion when deciding what to cover, and ended up with the rewiring idea. This is because we all felt that the beliefs and expectations everyone has around relationships, are very important. So we wanted to spend a day discovering patterns and discussing these issues. We decided that Armand would cover ‘feminine’ qualities and I would cover the ‘masculine’ ones. Zelda’s mission is to discuss the changing definitions of ‘men’ and ‘women’ in society now. It’s all about balancing the masculine and feminine. We will all be focusing on our own roles, beliefs and wishes, and the effects these have in all our relationships.


Balance of power?

My part is called ‘The power of balance’. I want to look at the issue of how to balance what you want, with the wishes of your partner. How can you be yourself and follow your heart’s desire and still respect your partner’s dreams? Are you doing what you really love, or are you giving up who you really are? These are questions many people wrestle with.

Interdependent co-arising 

Recently I have been following a course by that force of nature, Jean Houston. It’s called ‘Unlock your Quantum Powers’ and I am really enjoying it. Jean uses the term interdependent co-arising, and although it’s a mouthful, I love it. It’s actually a fundamental part of Buddhist teachings and has a depth of meaning. However what I take from it is that we are not alone and that everything and everyone has an effect on everything else. What arises is a co-creation of all our thoughts, acts and levels of consciousness, which is why it is so important to do our own work on ourselves and in relationship to others, to co-create a positive future.

Jean discusses the nature of the quantum world, including the science, which is very interesting, and she gives advice as to how to communicate (and be in partnership with) what she calls your own ‘Entelechy’. This she describes as: your guide – your essential self – your encoding of a higher destiny – your vital force that directs your life – yourself in optimal form – the one who knows the map of your soul and helps you choose from possible paths. The one that helps co-create with the quantum field. Your mysterious friend. Later she refers to it as a kind of blueprint for this life – not the total soul. We need to develop a relationship with this ‘friend’ and we need to co-create with others, so having positive relationships is really important for the world! Food for thought.

communication in relationships


Venus and Mars are the planets that most astrologers start with when it comes to relationships. They are the ‘young’ masculine and feminine, Mars representing the competitive, getting what you want, sexual energy, and Venus representing pleasure, sharing and what we value and love. Attraction. All very important in this area. In mythology, Mars and Venus couldn’t live without each other – a tip that we need to balance our will (Mars) with our values (Venus) and those of our partner. The signs these planets are in can help define what works for us – what we fancy, what we will fight for.

But there is more

The rest of the horoscope also plays a role in relationships too of course. The Sun, a masculine energy, shows our vocation – where our heart lies. We all have dilemmas within ourselves, which are highlighted by different planets in the horoscope, and it is good to know how these work, so we are not living out parts of ourselves through others – a common problem. Someone with Mars in Aries might fall for someone who is a real pioneer, a competitive sportsperson or a dancer. What this person may need is to develop a fighting spirit. To learn to fight for what he wants. Someone with Venus is Pisces might love taking care of a partner and fall for someone who needs just that. But she might long to be looked after herself. Like I said – it’s complicated. Again balance is the answer.

sharing in relationships

The outside world

The world around us has a lot to answer for. We don’t live in a vacuum and so we have to deal with all kinds of people, systems, companies and the world daily. Staying true to who you are is constantly challenged. The good side of this, after we have given up trying to fit in with all and sundry, is that we really have nothing to lose by being our true selves. In fact we have everything to gain – so we need to start with defining who we are (because life makes us unsure), and start choosing who we want to relate to. Jean Houston expresses this well when she says something like; the universe is waiting for us to fit into our allotted slot. To become all that we can be with the help of our mystery friend – our Entelechy. When we start doing this, according to her the universe says “Great – we have a live one here!” I love that image.

The more you can be yourself, the more you will attract a partner who supports you and sees who you are. Astrology is a great tool for finding, not a tall dark handsome stranger, but your inner loves and desires.

Quantum stuff

The other video I watched recently was one from Dean Radin, called the Observer Effect. It is quite technical, but the bottom line is that our minds are steering the quantum field. We are pushing the world around with our minds. A both wonderful and scary thought! I relate this in astrology to the fact that there are certain times when we have opportunities to focus on a particular theme. We always have a choice as to what we focus on. For example, if a relationship is falling apart, the planet Uranus might be in contact with Venus. This might be a wake-up call to leave, to look at what we really desire, or to have an affair. Whatever we do or focus on will determine what we create. And back to the interdependent co-arising – what everyone else says or does will also have an impact.

One of Dean’s almost throw away lines was uttered when he was talking about being able to levitate. He said that we can only do things that are compatible with what society allows, so levitation is normally not possible. But he discovered in his quantum experiments that, not only did regular meditators do better in having an effect on experiments using the mind, but when people are shielded from outside interference – other minds – they can do remarkable things. This is definitely food for thought! We need a shield to combat all the negativity and non-support that we get daily to enable us to become a co-creator for our desired future. Who we choose to have around us and who we relate to, is then vitally important! True balance here gives us real power.

Faye Blake-Cossar

Interesting websites of the Month

Dean Radin’s interesting talk.

An article from Lissa Rankin called Free yourself from the Narcissist/ Empath pattern and part 2.

And another article A life of one’s own from the wonderful Brain Pickings.

The images this month are all from one of my favourite sites – Gratisography

Quote of the Month

“It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.” Nick Hornby, writer and lyricist.

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